Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
