my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dicks are not precious.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
