Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
