Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
