we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
