yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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