Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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