I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize