so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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