I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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