This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
