Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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