I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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