im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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