You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
