After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
