awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
