We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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