I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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