I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
