Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
