I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
