Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
