I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
