just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
