Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
