I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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