he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
