Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pants are for mortals
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize