ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
