Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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