I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
