I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
