I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
