just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
