dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
