my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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