i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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