DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
