Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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