i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
