"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Your penis caused this!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize