Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize