Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
