i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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