Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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