I got chris browned last night
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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