I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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