she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
