i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
