So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
