he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
