So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
