She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
