I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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