watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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