I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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