come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
