a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize