I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
