Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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