I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
