Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
