yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
