Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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