My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
