I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
