no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize