Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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