Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
