If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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