whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
