I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
