I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need to sanitize my soul.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize