You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
