Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
