i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
