I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize