Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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