No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
