Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So many bounce houses so little time
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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