what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
