So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
