Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
