You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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