This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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