Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
