He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
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I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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