I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize