I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
