in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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