reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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