One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
