"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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