from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
