I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
