I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
