You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
